The Ninth Worst Single Of 2005

Look at the time!

9. "Alex F" by Crazy Frog
An obvious choice maybe, but let's be quite clear about just how evil this record is. Designed purely to sell ringtones - evil - to morons who think the nokia ring isn't quite irritating enough - evil - milking a phenomenon which was already annoying to the point of self-immolation - evil - by pasting said ringtone on top of a jive bunny-style disco reworking of an eighties hit. Evil, evil, evil.

So bad that towards the end of the campaign it was actually marketed as a means of annoying people, the fact it was mainly bought by children did at least bring some belated schadenfreude as the makers had to spend thousands of pounds digitally removing the frog's genitals from the animated video.

So why is it only number nine? Well, two reasons - one, it annoyed Chris Martin, and two, if heard on a train, the sound of the mentally ill amphibian performs two important functions: it marks the phone's owner out as a complete idiot who must be ostracised from society, and it provides a nice eye-rolling moment of bonding between all other commuters. For that reason, it has killed the silly-noise-ringtone industry stone dead, and we must therefore be grateful.